Thursday, April 17, 2008

Fears

Jason and I have noticed that Kate has some residual anxiety after each hospitalization. She doesn't sleep well, is tearful and doesn't want to go to school. This goes on for weeks too. When I say she doesn't sleep well, I mean to say that she wakes up 4 or 5 times during the night crying and coming into our room. She wants us to stay awake until she intially falls asleep and if she wakes up she wants us to stay up until she falls back asleep.
Try as we may with positive praise, treats and yes, at time consequences (ie-no treats) she isn't making any progress. I have tried to come up with a clear reason for this but have been unsuccessful. It is that she has gotten used to us sleeping with her in the hospital? Does she have more anxiety and fear about being sick than we know? Is she still not feeling back to her baseline and this is simply a manifestation of her feeling icky? Maybe some combination of these and more? We have no idea but are struggling with it. She is much less happy than she was in the hospital even and that worries me.
Kate is cleared to go back to school but cries when we even mention it. She says that she just wants to be with me and that she doesn't have any friends (which couldn't be further from the truth). I wonder if she feels like they have kept on without her and she'll be left out.
I am trying to balance encouraging her, without pushing or coddling to her detriment. I fear that I am not the best with this balancing act. Don't worry you say. But it's my job to worry. That's why they pay me the big bucks..

13 comments:

Worthens said...

I haven't checked Kate's blog for a few days and had NO IDEA the week you've been having. I am so sorry. I would worry too. I can only imagine the trauma the Hansen family has endured through Kate's journey, but Kate being at the head of it as she has actually been the one who is sick. You are all in my prayers...

BIGSKYBLAST said...

I would say "all of the above" and the fact that there really are no clear sleep patterns in the hospital. Her anxiety at school (even the mention of it) isn't all that "out there" either. Even after surgeries I would drag my feet and get weepy at returning to work. No idea why. When forced to return to life, life quickly returned.

Is she going to any extra curricular? Maybe a wade-in approach.

Don't worry? Now WHO ON EARTH would suggest such a thing. Moms are professional worries (someone has to be!)

Hang in there, Carrie. You're just on the balance beam again!

Love you guys.

Carolyn Hansen said...

Thanks Mom! There is nothing like a Grandma's experience to help ease a Mom's worries.

Kerri said...

We weren't sure if Izzy would ever be social again, but after about 3 straight months of feeling well she is finally talking to kids and playing again. Of course on steroid weeks or the day after Methotrexate she is back to my arms and being a completely whiny introvert. Someday you'll look back and sigh that this has passed. Keep hangin' on!

Kasey said...

Wow, that is a tricky balanncing act for sure. So glad to hear she's home again, though.

Even as an adult, I sometimes struggle when my routine changes, and have a hard time adjusting. Even though being in the hospital isn't "fun," she DID have the comfort of your constant companionship and attention, so it doesn't surprise me that she should want to stay home for more TLC vs going back to school. Just continue to be consistent. I am constantly amazed at your balancing, juggling and parenting skills!

Tell Kate I am SO looking forward to visiting her (and you!) in a few weeks. :) Love you guys!

Simple Thingz said...

Not that I know exactly how you feel and what you have gone through with Kate (other then reading it from your blog), But with what I have gone though over the last year... I know all about anxiety. Josh is kind of in your shoes (as far as having to deal with someone who is having anxiety problems). When I had to think about going back to work (or even sometimes just getting up in the morning), I would just panic inside. And he had to deal with my emotions. He has been so patient. All I can say is let her take her time but not get too used to the "pampering" of being at home and having mommy and daddy sleep with her. She's obviously feeling things inside whether she knows exactly how to express them to you or not. It sounds as though you are doing everything right and everything you CAN do for her. Just as Kasey said... be consistent with her. Kids need that stability.

I am so excited that I might be able to make the "girls trip" with you guys. It has been far too long since we've all been together. Hope it all works out. Love you

Kari said...

I certainly don't know the answer and can't begin to completely understand what a struggle this must be for you and Kate but do pray for you and your family constantly. I know you will follow your instincts and find what works ... even if it has to change and adjust as the circumstances dictate. I simply can't wait to see you soon and meet Kate (and the rest of your crew) so I can give her a big hug!!!

BIGSKYBLAST said...

Hug, Hug....Kiss, Kiss (Carrie!) Make some curry tonight and know I LOVE YOU!

Anne Hatch said...

You've been given lots of good advice now follow your heart... you'll know what's best for Kate!

Angela said...

those were pretty big smiles on both of your faces this morning. Let's hope she has moved past some of the anxiety after having a good day. baby steps. We'll have fun running off those worries (for a while at least)tomorrow...in the rain. love you. your strength and mothering skills are amazing.

Tracy said...

Just LOVE her!! She is precious.

Tanya said...

Oh, what a sweetie. No advice, but I know you are a wonderful mom to Kate and have been so strong through all of this. She'll just remember the love she felt from you, when she returns to "normal".

Garrit said...

I haven't met Tracy, but that post sums it up!

Jason and Carolyn - You guys are my my heros!