Monday, November 19, 2007

October 30th - The Blues

Poor little pumpkin is down in the dumps. I wonder if her expectations regarding going to back to school weren't quite met, or if we threw her in the deep end by going back full day or what but she is having an emotional go of it (and we aren't even on steroids).
Her first day back, on Friday, went great. Monday she wasn't too thrilled to go school though and today she asked if she could stay home. She said that school is too long and that she coudn't do it. We reassured her (or tried) and sent her off. A few hours later the school nurse called to say that Kate had been in her office for an hour and wasn't feeling well. I really think that she feeling ill emotionally, not physically though.
When we got home she took a nap and perked right up. I asked her why she was so "tired", as she kept saying. In Kate's words - "I'm tired of everyone asking me when my hair is going to grow back and stuff like that." I reply- "I see. How does that make you feel when they ask you questions like that"? Kate- "It makes me feel like I'm not I'm still sick." My jaw dropped. How can a 5 year old articulate herself so well? She is growing up too quickly.
I came to see that in Kate's eyes, going back to school meant that she wasn't sick anymore and that she was over all this leukemia business. She has also been out of school for 2 months and is now like the new kid back at school. She isn't sure of the routines, expectations of her or even who her friends are. I felt like crying with her but didn't. We'll figure this out.

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